Joemma and Help Meat Dave discuss some of the more ‘interesting’ myths and poetry of the pre Christian Near East. People with 3 different accents trying to fluently converse about identities such as Ninḫursaĝa and Ningiriutud and their risque tales – what could go wrong? Welcome to a complete Mesopotamia. Welcome, you are. You are welcome.Mesopotamia Fam tree 2

Steve MeatWe continue to enjoy the folklore of The Philippines with Help Meat Ivan, and Not So Help, Not So Meat, “Steve”. Hilarity (in the context of utmost culturally sensitivity) ensues. Again.

Joemma continue their exploration of Oceania.

To celebrate Independence Day in The Philippines (June 12th), we drill into the mythology and folklore of The Philippines with a native of The Archipelago.

We bet you can’t wait to get your filthy imperialist hands on this one. You will be high FIvan us when you finish listening.


Amongst discussions about a cure for hiccoughs, Meat Mutant porn, Pokemon, environmentally friendly cleaning products, squeaky toys, Elton John, JIS, balaclavas and scorched knees…….we mention some information about the months of the year. Happy Holidays mutants – may your turkeys be four legged, and your hams bigger than Ken Ham. We will be back in 2015.MM Nativity

Joemma go down south to explore the myths, religious beliefs and folklore of some of the people of Oceania. We visit some of the smaller and more exotic islands such as Palau, Vanuatu, Rapa Nui, and of course, D.J.S.’s recent homeland, Guam. Tales of lewd tentacles, rockin’ men, coconut radios and salty grunt men await y’all. ugly baby Jesus

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FINALLY – the most mature podcast in the universe has found an excuse to devote a whole episode to “jizz”. As you will hear, this episode is all really all about birds. Listen to discover all about birds’ jizz and it’s role in in faith, folklore and mythology.


Now that Joe is living in Japan, we felt it would behoove us to revisit some Japanese folklore. One can never have enough of cute animals with giant testicles, vengeful crabs, boys born from Freudian peaches, 10th century science fiction, less than ideal wives, painfully bad voice acting and the ukulele – can one?

Joemma tell the tale of Samson: Yes, the he-man guy with the long hair from The Bible. Samson has muscles, locks, women, an anger management problem and lots of grave digging to do. This tale, when you actually look into it, is pretty gruesome and totally stupid. Just for a change for a Bible Story.

Our next episode will be a riff of the corresponding children’s cartoon about Samson……all 50 minutes of it……maybe.

Finally, our final instalment in the Norse Mythology Trilogy.  In this episode, Joemma are joined by our resident heathen Whelve to discuss Asatru – a modern take on ancient Germanic beliefs. As we have a Help Meat with us, be prepared for a fair bit of JIS which will take your breath away. Emma’s cat also makes a cameo appearance, (we think to protest the discussion of animal sacrifice  and white human supremacy) as does Thor, just because he wanted some attention. Overall, it’s a fascinating discussion of heathenry. Remember that Meat Mutant puts the “ass” in Asatru. True.

Norse2titlecardJoemma take great pleasure in immersing themselves once again in the crazy arse world of Norse mythology. Remember we did a part 1 on this topic once? Well, the time has come for part 2. Guess what? More giants, dwarves, volva and mutants. After revising who’s who in these remarkable myths, we delve into more stories of family feuds, people lobbing rocks at each other, a lotta imbibing and eventually the end of the world. Joemma also discuss their plans for Meat Mutant in 2013 (we had to draw these up quickly as the world didn’t end when it was supposed to last December). Don your helmets, and sit down with a hearty plate of ox and a large goblet of mead and enjoy.

Joemma return to one of their favourite topics – mythology. Wow, the people of 12th century Germanic Europe had some kick arse imaginations. I guess there wasn’t much else to do up there during winter except sit around a fire and see who could come up with the most batshit crazy story. You’re gonna hear a lot about elves, giants, dwarves, mutant animals, magical inanimate objects and more shape-shifting than you can poke a magical spear at. Frig, we hope you enjoy this one.

By the way, this episode is posted without Joe’s final OK. He’s been off-line since Superstorm/Superbeeyatch Sandy hit NYC. I am sure all you meaty mutants wish him the best and we all really, really hope he and his family are OK.

UPDATE: Joe is OK, but cleaning up a hell of a mess.

It had to happen – an episode about cats. We start with half an hour of cat JIS, and then delve into the long history of feline worship and folklore. We cover cats in ancient Egypt, Islam, Buddhism, some myths regarding certain breeds of cats, beckoning cats, black cats and finish it all of wit teh LOLCat bible, srsly. This episode also features Emma’s cat Herschel providing contextual commentary, Joe singing, Emma making pig noises, and some really annoying music. You can haz episode nao…..srsly. Hope it makes you LOL.

Links re bovine hormone:

Joe and Emma have never done anything not illegal, and this is doubly true for the Meat Mutant podcast. Furthermore, we own absolutely every property swiped for cheap gags, a fact that may come as a surprise to those who created them. Lawyers, please sling only your most defamatory arrows. Go for the low blows. Contact Joe for a list of everything wrong he's ever done, he should have a fresh list in about fifteen.