I just discovered that Hollywood’s making a Noah movie, so I thought I’d do a Noah article–one by one “Gary J. Hall,” otherwise known as DJS’s underworld name as a record-holding raccoon penis bone huffer.

We see the truth now! We’re ready to repent and rebuild our lives for righteousness!! …What, NOW it’s too late? I see mercy isn’t in your CV of eminent goodness, Noah.

The Lord Jesus Christ informs us that before He returns certain conditions will exist in society in general. These conditions are a sign to believers that His Second Coming is near. There has always been corruption in society, but the idea here is of such decadence and depravity reaching the point of no return.The Lord makes use of two Old Testament characters to illustrate the characteristics and conditions that will exist at all levels of humanity prior to His Second Coming.

Meh, my Friday nights always reach heights of depravity such that I start to think it’s a point of no return, but come Monday I’m always back to crushing it cool on Wall Street.

“And as it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all” (:26-27).

Some have suggested that there is a certain normality in this description and that there is nothing sinful in the illustration. They claim that the text simply refers to the everyday carelessness of mankind as he ignores the coming judgment. Though there is some truth in this idea, we cannot fail to recognize the fact that the people of Noah’s day were not destroyed simply because they ate, drank and married.

Sometimes all three at once

These people were destroyed in the Flood because of their sinfulness – “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually” (Genesis 6:5).

The apostle Peter writes that Noah was a preacher of righteousness in a godless society, “And spared not the old world, but saved Noah the eighth person, a preacher of righteousness, bringing in the flood upon the world of the ungodly” (2 Peter 2:5). Therefore, as well as rejecting God’s Word, there must have been increased immorality in the areas mentioned by Jesus.

The immorality in those areas only spiked AFTER the apostles bopped into town. “Hey ladies, guess whose feet I washed? That’s right, he died for our sins, so DP is definitely pure now.”

“My vag is ready for your double trouble now.”

This random ass photo is evidently meant to tie in with the increasing immorality of our day and age. Say, you don’t happen to have this fine lady’s number, do you?

Life will go on as normal until the Lord comes again, but such normality will become increasingly depraved to the point that people only think about pleasure – hedonism (eating, drinking, parties). They will plan ahead (marrying and giving in marriage). Those who live for themselves with no thought for God will reject any idea that judgment is on its way. This was true in Noah’s day. Peter tells us that it will be true in the Last Days also, “Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts, and saying, Where is the promise of His coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.

Isn’t planning ahead and going steady (marriage) antithetical to the idea that we’ll all be hedonistic slaves to lust?

For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water: whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: but the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men” (2 Peter 3:3-7).

To the unsaved, lost in their unbelief, carelessness and depravity, life will look as though it will go on for ever, that nothing has really changed. Sad as it is to say, the same attitude exists within the Church today also. The Church has been invaded by preachers of unrighteousness who spread the idea that worldliness and compromise are acceptable to God. But those, like Noah, who preach God’s Word of salvation, they will see society and standards becoming worse each day.

You guys should make a city on a hill and demonstrate to us all the right way to do it. Until then, shut the fuck up. People are not in fact mindless monsters for you to castigate and feel high off the indignation fumes. They try their best to navigate their lives the best they can, and now they have to avoid you and your retarded rambling in addition to everything else the world tosses their way. You’ll forgive me if I’m not overly enthused by your sitting in judgment over the rest of us when you’re standing on nothing more than crumbly revenge fantasies. Fuck you.

“Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; but the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed” (:28-30).

This illustration should not be seen as separate but intertwined with that of Noah’s day. Jesus is here revealing that the conditions that existed in Lot’s day will go hand in hand with that of Noah’s day in the Last Times.

Again, there appears to be a certain normality and legitimacy about the conditions in Sodom (and Gomorrah). For what can be sinful about eating, drinking, buying, selling, building and planting? The fact is, God did not destroy them for these things but because they had rejected His righteous ways and become totally immoral. They refused to listen to anything that even suggested that their lifestyle was wrong.

Maybe if God had given them a reason to believe Noah’s threats were genuine–maybe a warning shot before the huge omnicidal terror wave–maybe then they would have had more of a reasonable avenue to reform. What reason would they have had to believe in a god that never gave them signs of his power and wrath in the many decades they were doing evil shit? Isn’t the whole point of religion to rein in people’s evil or something? Why was God asleep at the wheel?

Learning about women’s rights instantly desiccates your neck as pictured above, lest you be allowed to actually use the organ of free speech God gave you

Peter describes the reasons why God poured out fire and brimstone upon them, “And turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrha into ashes condemned them with an overthrow, making them an ensample unto those that after should live ungodly; and delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds;)” (2 Peter 2:6-8).

Here we see that their ‘alternative lifestyle’ was considered filthy and ungodly. We only need to read through Genesis 29 to find that what both Jesus and Peter had in mind was Sodom’s homosexuality. It appears that this perversion was in all areas of society (from the Government down so that God could not find even ten righteous people amongst them), “Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire” (Jude :7).

For the record, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah was almost definitely not a commentary on homosexuality or its sinfulness, and it was instead meant as a condemnation of breaches of hospitality, which in those times was a vaunted virtue. If it were a condemnation of teh gayz, then it’d be a bit over the top, what with the legion of rabid sex maniacs supposedly gunning single-mindedly for Lot–which RARELY happens nowadays.

There has to be a reason why whole nations give themselves over to depraved living. In our day we see militant homosexuality in religion, government, army, civil service etc. The explanation offered in God’s word is the real reason why their is so much immorality and corruption today. In Ezekiel 16:49-50 we read, “Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good”. The same conditions existing in Sodom are plain to see in our time and suggest that this world is ripe for judgment.

Really? Is it? Do you go outside and see nothing people boastful vagrants with tons of deli treats (fullness of bread)? What planet are you living on?

Today we have not only the fact that man is too proud to admit he is a sinner, but is proud of his sin. The same “Gay Pride” was obvious in Lot’s day also. They rejected the words of Lot therefore refusing to hear God’s word. Today we have in Canada the banning of the first chapter of Romans for public reading by law because it offends homosexuals. When a nation bypasses legitimate recreation for immoral pleasure, leisure, and treasure; when luxury takes the place of godliness, then idleness gives the devil a foothold. When a nation cannot provide for its poor and sick because so much money is tied up for homosexual, feminist, and abortion issues then that nation itself is diseased and ready for judgment.

Yes. The reason nobody in government cares about the poor is because they’re tripping over themselves throwing money at gay and women’s rights. Hold on, check today’s newspaper, are you quite certain you’re not actually on Neptune?

The apostle Paul tells us that when nations reject God’s word they give themselves over unto perversion, idolatry and other ungodly practices (Romans 1). As in Lot’s day people today are “haughty” and commit all kinds of abominations, even to the point of saying that God made them that way. They believe that wickedness is their God-given right. Yet, just as in Lot’s day our society (and the world) will be judged.

You know what would be great? If God decided, hey, you know what really needs to be judged, asshole evangelicals who pretend to give a shit about suffering while typing their holy brimstone hails behind the safety of a keyboard. I don’t exactly see you throwing yourself into the lion’s den here, Hall. And huzzah, God’s decided he’s had quite enough of self-righteous newts who do nothing but obliquely congratulate themselves on how enlightened they are over the hellbound filthy masses–they’re all gonna get fiery salvos of their own shooting from their USB ports.

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Joe and Emma have never done anything not illegal, and this is doubly true for the Meat Mutant podcast. Furthermore, we own absolutely every property swiped for cheap gags, a fact that may come as a surprise to those who created them. Lawyers, please sling only your most defamatory arrows. Go for the low blows. Contact Joe for a list of everything wrong he's ever done, he should have a fresh list in about fifteen.